Thinka... Topinka!

So I come home from IMPE tonight and sit down leisurely in my comfortable office chair. I am at peace and relieved after "sitting in the fire" at the gym. Everything seems normal. My servants rush in fleet of foot with my usual after lifting bunch of concord grapes. Screw green and red grapes. Only the most jumbo, juicy purple grapes for me. The oil massage commences...
As I start to drift into a euphoric alternate consciousness, I notice something red and circular above my door. It doesn't phase me at first; Bruno is a highly skilled masseuse, and the red dot fades briefly. However, somehow the dot reappears, growing larger and larger in the back of my brain. Letters become evident. First a bold "Topinka!", then "Thinka..." in script preceding it. (As it sits upon my chamber door, as if to say "Nevermore"..., or in this case "Thinka... Topinka!".)
Slight confusion turns to rage toward my roommate, Brian, who procured a full roll (i.e. hundreds) of these Judy Baar Topinka promotional stickers not a day before from the College Republican election surplus. (Apparently, he somehow found the stickers kooky and fun. )
As I was saying, I'm enraged at this point. I could not even begin to contain myself. I rambled incoherently and threw a lighted candle at his head. I missed...
He then informed me that the sticker above my door was only one of four stickers placed throughout my room. Realizing I would never be able to relax again with these Republican equivalents of Chinese Water Torture scattered throughout my room, I began searching everywhere, tearing away at my bedsheets and dumping out my drawers. I found another in the back of my closet.... and another on the bottom of my desk. But the fourth?! Where could it be?! I had scattered everything, and the fourth was absolutely nowhere to be found. Even more angry than before, I stormed back into Brian's room demanding the location of the fourth, threatening to execute his favorite fish, the "Crimson Dynamo", if I was not immediately informed.
Sheepishly, he looked down at his feet, and half-whispered, "There is no fourth."
I rode around the apartment on his back as penance.

FYI, Judy Baar Topinka is the only statewide Republican in power in the state of Illinois, serving as the Illinois Treasurer. She is out of favor currently due to her wildly eccentric behavior and strong favoritism of both abortion and the death penalty. Below is a great pic that I found.


Judy Baar Topinka